Be happy because you deserve it

Yup, everyone deserve to be happy everyday :) Being happy or not is not determined by other people but yourself, whether how you choose to think. So, don't blame other people for your unhappiness because you are responsible for yourself. Okay, starting my crap again. IT'S EASY TO SAY OF COURSE. LOL I failed to choose to think positively most of the times and I don't like it :/ I always wish that I could control my mind and mood, because I think I'm way too pessimistic. I have no idea whether this is a reason or excuse for saying that I'm behaving like this to protect myself, mentally. Cancer people are protective of themselves from what I know haha. It's like taking a vaccination? There's also this saying: The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. So vice versa, lesser expectation, lesser disappointment. True right? Life is full of irony. Although what I said above seems legit, I think the purpose of my "vaccination" is being distorted. Vaccination is meant to build up one's immune system so that one would not fall sick easily. In my case, it's to give myself a mental preparation for something bad to happen so that I would feel less upset when things really happen. However, my vaccinations for myself have now became the reasons for my unhappiness. Overdose perhaps? I could not take the level of how bad things will happen that I gave myself. Especially when it comes to the period which every girl would experience once a month, things got even worse. I'm glad I'm still alive :) I took up a new module this semester which I find it quite interesting! It's called Organizational Behaviour. It teaches us how to manage the behaviour and personalities of different people when we enter the society/workforce. For the previous lecture we had a few minor mental tests. I scored relatively low for emotional stability. This is bad. I thought before, why do I feel upset? I backtracked and searched for the answer thoroughly. I questioned my brain and heart. Ridiculous enough, every time I find it, it's just telling myself how funnily stupid I am. Either it's something that doesn't make sense or something I can do nothing about and no one can help too. Sometimes, it's really just about opportunity cost. Are you willing to give up this for that or willing to give up that for this? You just have to make a choice and it seems impossible to have both at the same time. I got a habit which I just realised not long ago. Whenever I misses someone, too much, I choose to not see the person. As in, I will tend to force myself to not find or see the person because I thought that would make me forget about them or miss them less LOL. I don't know what the heck I'm thinking. It's usually a failure because when I succeed in doing so, that's when I really don't care about the person anymore. It happens before so I know. When I actually can eat well, sleep well, live well without seeing or contacting the person, I know I've gotten over him/her. There's only one exception and she's none other than my grandmother. I mean I can still be friends with them and everything will look perfectly normal on the surface but deep down inside, they have become not as important as before. Saying all these are not meant to threaten, but just confessing another personality I found inside me. I told myself many times that I cannot be greedy. Sickening or what, I just can't get these thinking out of my mind. "Why can this person be so flawless?" "Why can this person be leading such a perfect life?" "Why can this person be so smart?" Why can this person this, why can this person that. Why not me? These are junks, viruses that invaded in me unconciously. Their appearance is because of my greediness and dissatisfaction I have about my life. This is not right, I needa get rid of them,fast. But I don't know how. Or... I know, it's just whether I am able to do so or not. I have to learn to accept,appreciate and treasure what's given to me. I have to let go and forget what that does not belong to me. It's a fair game. Everyone complains that life is unfair. Well, doesn't that make everything fair and square? Learn to say enough for good things that are happening to you and say i can take more for the bad ones. Of course, I'm not trying to say that people should not or cannot complain. Everyone needs to relieve their stress and there are many different ways, be it drinking, doing something you enjoy to or doing things that will make you relax, consulting your friends and crying your heart out etc. But never do something bad or things that will hurt someone. Never ever do that. Everyone is born to beautify this world and not destroy it. If one does so(hurting someone else because of their own unhappiness), the other one will do the same thing to the others and it becomes a cycle. Make friends, not enemies. Peace is a beautiful word, please don't let it come to naught. 

Kay, shall end the serious atmosphere up there! Here are some pics I took with my fellow classmates today ^^

#ootd