Christmas Eve

This is just another 24th december to me. It's funny that I actually anticipated it a few weeks ago. How can I forget, I was never fated to greet this festive season with a smile. I'm so sorry, En. I'm sorry for letting you wait. Sorry for disappointing you. Sorry for being late. I'm so sorry. I can't do anything. 

Munch munch munch...

Currently munching on my fruitloops because there's nothing else to please my foreverfindingfoodtoeat-mouth. Been snacking a lot (more than usual) recently and often have random cravings which were ALL not satisfied :( Which is a good and bad thing. 

Had a mini celebration for this lovely birthday girl during the break of BMGT class today because she did not meet us before the lesson.  IT WAS SO AWKWARD but funny at the same time haha! Hope she had a good day and stays nice and healthy always~ She's a really nice friend who always help me with my work and teaches me patiently. Thank you, xx. 

Time past so fast and today is the last day of lesson for this term! It seemed like we just had our long holiday not long ago but the reality is... Common test is next week!! Started my revision for Bstats and Maec. Took a look at the calendar yesterday and realise I have not much time after the 2 weeks break to study for the final exam! *STRESSED!* 

I really want and need a good break badly. Don't think there would be time to rest properly for the two weeks break as there are still several on-going projects. Sigh.  

Okay, I shall not think so far yet. For now, common tests are more important. But since it's already so late, I shall revise tomorrow and rest well tonight. 

Goodnight! 

I hope I will do well.

I do I doooooooooo

I'm here blogging while watching some korean drama on channel U. It's the last episode already and I think this show is quite nice even though I missed out some episodes here and there haha. The male actors and actresses are not especially good-looking nor pretty but they have a kind of charisma and remarkable acting skills which kept me watching. Andand! 

 I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS ♥

Although happy endings may not exist in real world, just being able to watch or imagine it makes me happy.

Finally had yz's phone completely repaired today! Looking as good as new. After paying a total of 150 bucks :/ 

I'm so tired right now!! But I cannot sleep yet because I still needa prepare for my DSS group presentation tomorrow. I'm so worried and nervousss now. 

Ohya, I had my OB group presentation today and I guess it was fine.....? I think our group's presentation was too short though, as compared to the others.

Okay, show ended. Gotta bathe and start study. Bye! ☺

Have a little faith.

I'm the cause of the trouble

Today is a bad day for me, everything I did is wrong. Not to mention that I didn't contribute in anything, instead, I created even more troubles for the people around me. 

I'm suppose to attend a KCC event today with jinteng but back out last minute because I really don't feel like going. First time (if i'm not wrong) I was so determined, I have no idea how many "please-s" of hers I rejected today. Every "no" I said to her make me feel so guilty.

After lecture, headed to meet yz for lunch! AND THAT'S WHEN THE MISFORTUNE HAPPENED. 

I wanted to tell him something urgently and I was so excited I shook his hands so hard without realising that he was holding onto his phone and ......  

his phone dropped and the screen cracked. 

The crack was so serious I swear. The next thing I knew is, tears start to flow out uncontrollably. I know that's useless and crying won't fix the screen but I just couldn't hold my tears back.

Although he keeps telling me it's okay but I know that he's still very upset about it. Which makes me feel worse. I have no idea how many "sorry-s" I've said to him today. Today is probably the day I've said the most sorry-s. 

Travelled all the way to Sim Lim Square to repair his phone and it cost $120 $.$ Tomorrow need to find the person again to fix the mic :/ Hope it won't take up too much time so that yz can go home earlier to study for his bapp test and prepare for his presentation as well. 

Praying hard that after today, all the bad luck would go away. 

When can you stop creating troubles and start contributing?

Just sad.

I don't want to study anymore. I really want to put down everything here and leave. To somewhere far. It's so stressful here. I want to live my life happily and I want freedom. Sadly, this will never happen unless there's miracle. The most I can do is, to dream.  

:( Bye. 

Little things make a big difference

Soooooo, I find my previous post sounded too pessimistic and decide to post a more joyous one (; 

As I mentioned earlier that I'll be having lunch with the guys, the lunch was cancelled LOL. I was totally -siannnnn- upon hearing that and I thought today would be a bad saturday for me. I insisted on not staying at home and study outside. And...............

 I ended up at nex with yz HAHA. Lunched at rockery *regrets* The food is utterly disappointing :( Well, shouldn't expect much at the first place when we noticed the number of customers that were there.

After that we went to tea dot for a nice frappe :') I just love frappes, nothing can stop me from drinking them. Not even....... hahahahaha *catch the hint* I shall not say. PLANNED to study there but the table is way too small! 

Finally gave up squeezing at the small table and went to yz's grandma house instead!! Made her aunt fetch us from Nex due to the heavy rain :x It's been long since I saw money!!! She's still as cute though! :D

PLANNED to dinner outside but yz's aunt cooked for us instead !! The home-made fish&co standard fishn'chips ^^ It's so funnily amazing that everything just keep going against yz's diet plan. 

Rewind: Earlier while we were still wondering what to eat for lunch, we saw this promotion outside Long John Silver and almost surrendered to the temptation LOL But yz is was determined not to eat the fried food. 

After dinner, both of us walked to Nex because I PLANNED to get something from the popular and artbox. Didn't buy anything in the end LOL. 

Moral of the story for today ↓ 

Things may not happen as what you planned they would.

The first mt training on thurs was fun yet not fun. Probably because it's my first time, I was so stressed up. Hope everything'd be better during the next training :)

That's all for today. I'm so tired + sleepy yet I need to study.

How I wish I got more time. 

Good Morning

An early post for today because I don't feel like doing anything right now. SIGH this is really bad because I NEED TO STUDY. Common test is just next next week :( But I couldn't find my mood to study recently I don't know why. Been feeling frustrated and getting impatient easily these couple of days. Really moody and I don't like it, not like it's making me feel good urgh. I think I'm starting to think too much AGAIN. Kill me please, gosh. 

HEY BRAIN, NOW IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME. THERE'S NEVER GONNA BE A RIGHT TIME TO THINK TOO MUCH YEAH? BUT IF YOU HAVE TO, PLEASE WAIT TILL COMMON TESTS ARE OVER. THANKYOU.  

LOL. I'm actually hoping that this will work? I must be desperate. Besides common tests, there are also presentations next week !! I'm really bad at talking, especially formally. Pray hard I won't stammer, which is highly possible that I would. 

May be going out for lunch with the guys later on because zw is flying to KOREA!!! *OBVIOUSLY JEALOUS* When will I ever have a chance? :'( 

I've no idea why I don't feel like going out today. I feel like spending my whole day in bed. But apparently, I can't. Alright, gonna do my chores now. 

Have a great weekend ☺

Something is just not right,

what's wrong with me?

A tiring day is really tiring

Today is an unusual day for me because it's my first time not attending classes in poly and my first time buying mc. Gave school a miss due to some hiccups in the morning. Luckily there's no important stuffs today. Met the guys for lunch at pizzahut and chat for a few hours. They never fail to make me laugh till my tummy hurts with their real life stories/experiences. How can their lives be so fun and funny? *envious*

Although I did not attend any lesson today nor studied a single bit, I still feel extremely tired. I have no idea what's wrong with my body. Or maybe it's the excessive laughter that made me feel so tired I don't know. What I know is I don't like the feeling of being tired, feel so lifeless. 

I seem to know too much things I have no idea whether it's a good or bad thing :/ 

Tomorrow is gonna be a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG day. Starting the day with maec tutorial and ending with my first mt training! Looking forward yet worried + scared + nervous. Hope I'll enjoy it :) BUT before that, I need to complete my maec tutorial assignment first :x Goodbye!

Waiting for the three days of freedom. 

Something new

Been munching on this for the whole day. 

Starting today's blog post with a good and bad news. 

Good news: Just today, or I should say, just now, I discovered something new about myself.

Bad news: It's a new weakness. 

I found out that I'm afraid to answer calls that are made to me accidentally. 

 Just now, it happened. And the scenario was so familiar. 

Suddenly, I was reminded for something I never would want to recall.

Something exactly the same happened 6 months ago. 

Fear, uncertainty, anxiety,insecurity. All these gushed in instantly. 

Totally in a screwed-up mood currently .

The effort of munching my m&ms which kept me happy for the whole day just went down the drain , not a single bit was left. 

I'm so afraid now. 

I feel like just not think about anything and go to sleep right away.

But I couldn't... 

I had a quite severe headache in the late afternoon and on my way back home. 

But got much much better after drinking a glass of honey water ♥♥♥

 Have I not yet gotten over the trauma completely?

Two Weeks Left

 Zapple ☺

Common test is coming in 2 weeks time !! *flustered*

There are 2 modules for common test, BStats and Maec.

And I have yet to start my revision on BStats :( 

Well, although I did notes for Maec, I am sure not 100% of them went into my superlimitedmemoryspacebrain. 
I need to do well this time round.

I shall study now :) Byeee!

Feelings. They are so fragile.

I'm a happy girl

Had OB workshop on Saturday and spammed photos ↓

Done by: Michelle

 Star

 Reminds me of the nutella bread haha

 Michelle is definitely good at making these cute little things.

 Colours.

 Our House-building task!

 Da house!

 Had fun with Play-doh. Been so long since I played with it

 So according to our story,the owner of this house died(fell into the pond accidentally while skating and had his sword stabbed on him,just nice) 

 Penguin!

 Other groups creation ^^

 So a guy from this group described that this two "people" are doing something in their master bedroom... (I'll leave the rest for you to imagine :)) 

 Our group won,surprisingly! Honestly,I thought ours was the most boring one. LOL

 Our name... cards? haha

 Like the blue wall hehe

The workshop was fun overall. But my favourite part is when we were playing with the Play-Doh hahaha (Kinda expected?) The photos are mostly the process of building the house. Actually there are other activities that we did but none was as interesting as this :P 

The play-doh task was done during the first session and session 2 was boring, to be honest. The presentation was dry and what they show on the slides were shown to us during lectures already so it was sort of meaningless? Thought they could replace it with something more fun. If I must mention one fun activity of session 2, then I guess it would be the role-playing. Which was.. REALLY short. 

Ended the workshop earlier by 30mins and headed off to meet this boyyyy hehe. I was so pissed off as I was caught in the traffic jam >:( So the 30 mins were spent on the superlongjam.  

 Having his J.CO donuts and choc.frapp!

 His new haircut ☺

 Had Venezia ice-creammmm ♥

Planned to catch a movie at first but the movie we wanted to watch is no longer showing :( So we ended up walking around aimlessly. Until we realised there's REALLY nothing to look at, we decided to go somewhere else. 

So we went to Suntec. But still, there's not much stuffs also. (OKAY, nothing seems to appeal me when I have no $$ HAHA) Had fun in ToysRUs though!! Hahahaha Even when we didn't buy anything :P Ohoh! we went to the Fountain of Wealth and made wishes. Hope that they will come true :). 

Ended the day with this boy sleeping on my shoulder on the train. He looked sooooo tired that I felt guilty for pulling him out that day. Enjoyed the day very much nonetheless! And I shall end the post with these ↓ 

Love the colour of the sky that evening. (the little round dot is the moon)

Thank You for not taking him away.

Suffocating

I'm feeling so tired, mentally and physically.

I just don't feel like doing anything at all.

I'm really sick of this feeling.

I'm tired, afraid, worried, vexed, uncertain and stressed. 

Please, give me some rest, courage, peace,patience, confidence and a break.  

Smile while you can

 Proud that I actually use the knife to cut this out myself! Not using those shape thingy. hehe

 I can't stop myself from taking a couple of pictures even though I was running late!

Nutrisoy ring haha! guess whose pinky? ^^

Made breakfast for yz on Thursday! Okay, it's just bread with nutella nutella with bread and soyamilk... I can't cook, so this is the least I can do. So fail right haha. I was so upset because by the time I meet him the bread inside were all in a mess with the nutella spreaded everywhere... That's partly because I put too much nutella (because this boy likes it) and also, I was rushing at that time. I only realised it when I got on the bus and check if they're still in good condition. BUT, everything just got messed up and I had to save (clean) them as much as I can (yes, on the bus!) so that it won't turn out THAT ugly. I don't want him to think that I can't even spread a bread nicely omg. SO GLAD THAT HE WASN'T DISAPPOINTED. The heart-shaped bread saved me :') HAHAHA. 

Today's the last day of e-learning week *thumbs down* Boooooooooo :( How I wish every day is e-learning even though there's so many tasks to be completed. But compared to this, I hate to wake up earlier than the sun and travel an hour plus to school even more. How I wish I could teleport. *sigh* 

Went back to campus today for IJ assignment! I think my designs are pretty funny. I hope the tutor would spare me some marks for entertaining him LOL. 

Soooooo, we were asked to pair up and design 3 water bottles according to our partner's interest and likings etc. We sort of cheated because my partner and I decided that we should just design whatever we want and CLAIM that that's what each of us wanted haha win-win situation. Shall briefly describe my "masterpieces" HAHA.

First design : Shape of a Doraemon. Right eye is a camera, nose is the button to take photo. Left eye is torch light which can also act as flashlight when taking photo in the dark. The left eye is press-able to switch on and off the light. There's a pocket behind Doraemon's head to put your phone/mp3 player. The mouth is the speaker where the music would be played out. The body is where it contains the water. The collar is in between the head and the body to separate the electronic gadgets from the water. To ensure safety, the collar is made of rubber (insulator). One of Doraemon's hand is raising up. The fist is like bottle cap you turn to open it and drink from there. Doraemon has a small pocket in front of his stomach. You can put medicine pills or some sweets inside the pocket. The tail is a button to heat up the water. 

Second design: Using the concept of Love and Peace, I combined the peace and heart-shape together as the shape of the bottle and then extended it with an umbrella below. The middle is curved in so as to create a better grip. At the grip there, there's also a torchlight. 

Third design: This design is somehow created for people who do sports. Using the concept of water/ice bag, instead of using hard plastic which gives a fixed shape, this is a soft one. There's stickers at both ends so that user can wrap it around their arms, legs or even waist (if combine two bags together). This allow them to carry their water around conveniently and at the same time make their trainings more challenging. A long (2m) rubber straw can be inserted at the opening area so that user can drink from the bag without having to remove and wrap the bag back every time. There's a torchlight, GPS and minifan. (I know it's ridiculous, that's why it's funny LOL.) Oh! and there's also a timer as some times people would want to time how fast they run and stuffs. Besides that, as this design is not made up hard plastic, when you finished drinking the water, it can be folded which means occupying less space and can be kept easily.

And that's all my designs HAHAHA. ARE THESE EVEN COUNTED AS WATER BOTTLES?!! 

Whateverrrr. The assignment is over and I shall not dwell on it :)

I keep feeling hungry recently and I have been eating ALOT. This is madness and I needa control !!! Had mosburger for lunch today and a big cup of milk tea! Had tomyum seaweed (snackie snack!) before IJ starts and then honey chicken wing rice for dinner. 

Went to cut hair with yz after class! Actually there's not much a difference as I only did some trimming. GLAD THAT MY FRINGE ISN'T SCREWED UP THIS TIME ROUND HEHEHE. Yz's fringe is finally not THAT long anymore and after styling, it looks greatttt! Too bad he doesn't know how to style it himself :P Headed home after dinner. OHYA, I didn't know Choa Chu Kang is so far away from Admiralty! gosh. We ended up wasting lots of time on travelling because of me x.x 

It's already the last day of e-learning week and yet there's still so much work left undoneee! I'm so dead ._. Gonna do them now!! Byebye.

I want to protect my loved ones.

I will protect them. 

Confusion.

Met up with adeline and jinteng today :) Had Madjack for lunch then headed to somerset which I wasn't even inform before that at all. So many temptations but I managed to overcome them. It's really torturing when you got so many things you wanna buy but you cannot :/ Planning one day to go for a real shopping in december. It's gonna be another broke-month..... sigh. 

Okay, the reason for my super short and boring post is partly because of my laziness and the other part is because I'm feeling sad. And when I'm down, I feel tired. It's like my brain will transmit information to my body that says "Hey, you are tired." Well, that's a minor case though. 

Worst come to worst, the message would become "Life is so tiring right? You'll die anyway, why make yourself suffer now? Why not.. just end it now? It'll be better this way. Everything will be alright.. You will be brought to another place.. a better place." 

And then *poof!* I'm back to reality. "What on earth was I thinking? Why'd I ever have this thought of surrendering my life to the God of death? Jingyi, are you out of your mind?" 

Death.... is death scary? I thought reality is even scarier. 

Death... Will I turn to a ghost? Is there such thing as reincarnation? Does heaven or hell exist? If it does, where would I be sent to? Probably hell... I have not been doing any good deeds. 

Will I die because of an accident? Will I die of old age? Will I die of illness? Or will I die of suicide? Will I be crying in my death bed? Or will I be smiling? Will I have my children accompanying me by my side till my last breathe? Or will I die before my parents? 

What will happen to my family and friends when I died? Will they be crying? Will they come to my wake? Will they treasure their lives more? Or for those people who hate me, will they be popping bottles of champagne and celebrate?

Life is too complicated and confusing. Sometimes, I really don't want to care. I need a getaway, alone. Or with someone I really like. Someone who only brings me happiness. Someone whom I can totally trust and who will never betray it. Someone who puts a smile on my face and not tears. That someone..... 

To Someone: 

I'm waiting for you. 

I will wait for you. 

Wait for our getaway. 

But please, don't let me wait too long.

I may choose to go without you,

when I really can't take this no more.

Curiosity kills the cat.
静怡，你活该

I'm a lucky girl

Haha! We spammed likes on each other's fb.  

 ShiHui!

 Failed photo~

 Which leads to me burst out laughing LOL.

 Michelle in the phone and sh's peace!

 Fail fail and fail!

 Cannot stop laughing because it was so embarrassing! 

 Gave up in the end. Thought this is the best out of the rest haha.

 Oh, I like this photo! me and sh in the phone hehe.

 I love chocolates ♥

Just finished my part for the group projects and here I am posting before I do my revision! And yup, most of the photos above were taken on last Sunday when we met up for our bmgt project and shopping. Didn't get to take photo with Clarissa because she left early :( Nevermind, there's always another time ^^

So, I crashed yz's BApp tutorial class today LOL. So thick-skin right! Crash lecture not enough, still want to crash tutorial class omg. I must be crazy. Luckily their BApp tutor is a nice guy! He even complimented me that I was attentive HAHA. I was SOMEHOW just pretending. Frankly speaking, I don't understand a single stuff !! To put it nicely, I was TRYING to understand what he's saying haha. 

I don't have this module so I don't have to understand actually. I only remembered him saying something about the ... Tiger? or leopard. LOL and the upper case thingy, which I find it familiar. Yz then told me that some things they learn in BApp is taught in Excel as well and I got the excel module this sem which explains everything. I was wondering why'd I know anything about BApp haha.

Guess what I did during the tutorial? I'm soooooo proud to say that

I was friggin doing notes for MAEC!!! 

*claps for myself* Haha no shame. But I am really glad that AT LEAST I did not spend that 2 hours on nothing :) I guess part of the reason is because I did not bring my laptop with me today? :P Laptop is really a major distraction for me, and I shall assume that that applies to other people too? hahaha. 

I tried to study yesterday with my laptop and it was such a faillllll because I was constantly distracted by the music videos LOL. 

After "tutorial", we went munch for a light lunch. Had Aloe vera with lemon and MrBean's double chocolate :) 

Oh!! Andand today's the first day of REDCAMP9 !!! omg. Time really ZOOMS. Cannot imagine we were once the campers of REDCAMP8 who finds everything new and interesting in this campus. And now it's like ... so boring HAHAHA oops :P 

So because of this camp, npmt has their "booth" at the cca clubrooms area so we went there for awhile. And wowwww, the senior's kicking and punching is no jokeeee.

Headed to town after that! Had deokbokki !!! omg I can die in peace already :') LOL. Accompanied yz and his groupmates to do their bmgt project. Yes, extra againnnn. THICK-SKIN MUCH HAHA. But this boy never(or really seldom) makes me feel left out. *insert hearts* 

Stayed at Starbucks for around 2 hours or more and then walked around 313. Went home at around 5 while yz, techin and cherie returned school for their own stuffs. 

I JUST RECEIVED A CALL FROM SOULMATE AND WE GONNA MEET UP TOMORROW! YAYYYYY !! 

With that, I shall end my post ;) NIGHTS! 

I'm responsible for my own actions.