If you're brave enough to say "Goodbye", life will reward you with a new "Hello": October 2012

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Be happy because you deserve it

Yup, everyone deserve to be happy everyday :) Being happy or not is not determined by other people but yourself, whether how you choose to think. So, don't blame other people for your unhappiness because you are responsible for yourself. Okay, starting my crap again. IT'S EASY TO SAY OF COURSE. LOL I failed to choose to think positively most of the times and I don't like it :/ I always wish that I could control my mind and mood, because I think I'm way too pessimistic. I have no idea whether this is a reason or excuse for saying that I'm behaving like this to protect myself, mentally. Cancer people are protective of themselves from what I know haha. It's like taking a vaccination? There's also this saying: The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. So vice versa, lesser expectation, lesser disappointment. True right? Life is full of irony. Although what I said above seems legit, I think the purpose of my "vaccination" is being distorted. Vaccination is meant to build up one's immune system so that one would not fall sick easily. In my case, it's to give myself a mental preparation for something bad to happen so that I would feel less upset when things really happen. However, my vaccinations for myself have now became the reasons for my unhappiness. Overdose perhaps? I could not take the level of how bad things will happen that I gave myself. Especially when it comes to the period which every girl would experience once a month, things got even worse. I'm glad I'm still alive :) I took up a new module this semester which I find it quite interesting! It's called Organizational Behaviour. It teaches us how to manage the behaviour and personalities of different people when we enter the society/workforce. For the previous lecture we had a few minor mental tests. I scored relatively low for emotional stability. This is bad. I thought before, why do I feel upset? I backtracked and searched for the answer thoroughly. I questioned my brain and heart. Ridiculous enough, every time I find it, it's just telling myself how funnily stupid I am. Either it's something that doesn't make sense or something I can do nothing about and no one can help too. Sometimes, it's really just about opportunity cost. Are you willing to give up this for that or willing to give up that for this? You just have to make a choice and it seems impossible to have both at the same time. I got a habit which I just realised not long ago. Whenever I misses someone, too much, I choose to not see the person. As in, I will tend to force myself to not find or see the person because I thought that would make me forget about them or miss them less LOL. I don't know what the heck I'm thinking. It's usually a failure because when I succeed in doing so, that's when I really don't care about the person anymore. It happens before so I know. When I actually can eat well, sleep well, live well without seeing or contacting the person, I know I've gotten over him/her. There's only one exception and she's none other than my grandmother. I mean I can still be friends with them and everything will look perfectly normal on the surface but deep down inside, they have become not as important as before. Saying all these are not meant to threaten, but just confessing another personality I found inside me. I told myself many times that I cannot be greedy. Sickening or what, I just can't get these thinking out of my mind. "Why can this person be so flawless?" "Why can this person be leading such a perfect life?" "Why can this person be so smart?" Why can this person this, why can this person that. Why not me? These are junks, viruses that invaded in me unconciously. Their appearance is because of my greediness and dissatisfaction I have about my life. This is not right, I needa get rid of them,fast. But I don't know how. Or... I know, it's just whether I am able to do so or not. I have to learn to accept,appreciate and treasure what's given to me. I have to let go and forget what that does not belong to me. It's a fair game. Everyone complains that life is unfair. Well, doesn't that make everything fair and square? Learn to say enough for good things that are happening to you and say i can take more for the bad ones. Of course, I'm not trying to say that people should not or cannot complain. Everyone needs to relieve their stress and there are many different ways, be it drinking, doing something you enjoy to or doing things that will make you relax, consulting your friends and crying your heart out etc. But never do something bad or things that will hurt someone. Never ever do that. Everyone is born to beautify this world and not destroy it. If one does so(hurting someone else because of their own unhappiness), the other one will do the same thing to the others and it becomes a cycle. Make friends, not enemies. Peace is a beautiful word, please don't let it come to naught.

Kay, shall end the serious atmosphere up there! Here are some pics I took with my fellow classmates today ^^

#ootd

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

One day, I will find you.

Yes, I'm back from the short trip to KL or did I even mention it in my previous post? #poormemory :/ got some tops and shorts there! Like finally cuz' i seldom buy clothes LOL My best friends always say I'm a pro at window shopping because I can actually hang out with them the whole day in town and watch them shop without getting myself anything. They always ask how did I resist those temptations. Well, my answer is just simply cuz' I don't have an eye on anything haha. Surprisingly, bought quite a lot in just that 2 days. I was really shocked when I was packing my luggage the night before I return. Probably the timing was right. the feel for shopping + the thing I want to buy + the thing I saw + don't have to worry buy wrong stuffs cuz' mummy was there LOL. Now then I realise part of the reason I seldom buy clothings with my friends is because I don't dare to take risk haha. I tend to worry about this and that, even those really tiny little things. Usually when my friend see something they like, they will just buy them on the spot. In my case, i take at least half an hour to decide whether to buy it or not. One recent example was a dress. Because of the wedding dinner and a request from my mum, I decide to get myself a dress. I think I went to town three or four times just to find it, something I think is nice,simple yet suitable for dinners as well as casual dates or shoppings etc. which is like something I will wear often haha. I have not touched my gradnight dress ever since gradnight -_- OH and very important! I must feel comfortable in it. I have no dress at all since I'm in... primary school? It's due to my character,which is not so feminine ._. I have no skirts also, besides my school skirt. So imagine what I wear to poly everyday LOL. Hoodie + Jeans + sneakers is my favourite combi :P I mean, I think wearing something I feel comfortable with is most important to me, so :) But don't know why recently I somehow changed my thinking? Wonder if it's because of influence and persuasions from the surrounding, my close friends have been commenting about my dressing. (yes, it's that bad LOL) But before that, I really have 0 fashion sense and many many unhappiness about my body. I want to lose weighttttt! I know and agree that health is most important and yes, I feel really blessed that I have it :) But it's really hard to totally love shopping for clothings when you are having so much fats here and there :/ unless i am some professionals who know what type or style of dressings suits me (my figure or size), or else it's really difficult for me to buy them. The most basic steps to lose weight is of course, healthy/light diet and sports. Diet.... I'm someone who really loves junk food, I admit that. I eat a lot, to the extend where sometimes I don't even know whether I'm eating because I'm hungry or because I'm bored. hahaha. I can't live without sweets and candies. I always have them in my bag where I can eat them anytime and anywhere, and also sweets and candies on my study table to accompany me in the journey of knowledge. HOWEVER, I have been cutting down on those recently :) -sense of achievement- Probably that's the reason why I feel so down easily these couple of weeks/months. o.o okay, back to the topic. I'm trying to cut down fat. Glad that we are having Sports and wellness this semester! which means I'll have time to at least exercise once a week no matter what ^^ Back to another topic, I want to make shopping easier for me LOL. Back to another another topic, I wanna change. The 3 days in KL was quite well spent I guess? Slept late at night and wake up early in the morning. Maybe that's why I'm falling sick now. Lack of rest. Currently spamming fruits and water. I love fruits hehe.

Okay, today is a tuesday. School is normal :) lessons were still pretty slack for now. Have been ending classes early or punctually with no delaying. How I wish it will keep continuing like this :P Oops, greediness detected. Tomorrow is Wednesday! my favourite day of the week now because I can go and leave school with ... hehehehehe. First lesson DSS followed by BStats lecture. Needa get my maec work done real soon! Annyeong ♥